With exam season coming up, the last thing we need to do is sit through a 3-hour space epic that will leave us more confused than when we started it. Awful movies are great when you need a laugh or de-stressor, or even if you just want to feel better about yourself.
he Room (2003) directed by Tommy Wiseau
3.7/10 IMDb | “You’re tearing me apart, Lisa!”
Not to be confused with Room (2015) or The Room (2019), this is THE Room – the lightweight predecessor of all room movies. This film follows a successful man named Johnny, whose life falls apart after learning his fiancée cheated on him with his best friend. With a generous 24% on Rotten Tomatoes, the film earns its rank as the magnum opus of bad movies, cultivating a huge cult following and even a spinoff blockbuster.
At first glance, this film feels like a movie you’d catch on the Hallmark channel at 3pm on a Wednesday afternoon – it’s bad, but not bad enough to be entertaining. But as you keep watching, witnessing the dialogue that feels auto-generated, the random drug dealers, and the plethora of spoon art, it’s clear why this is considered the worst movie of all time. Wiseau’s endearingly creepy charisma makes this film special and unable to forget, even after years of trying.
Fateful Findings (2013) directed by Neil Breen (or any other movie directed by Neil Breen)
4.7/10 IMDb | “I’ve hacked into the most secret corporate and government secrets. THE most secret.”
Centering on a man named Dylan who exposes the government using his magical powers, Fateful Findings is a film that makes The Room look like a 12-time Oscar winner. Anything that The Room does wrong, Fateful Findings does it 10x worse.
This movie feels like a dark web video that we were never supposed to see. It’s hard to tell whether Breen directed the actors to act like aliens who know nothing about human behaviour, or whether they’re actually aliens infiltrating the human world. Breen, unable to elicit any emotion, uses his four laptops to convey his feelings. If he’s confused, he’ll swipe a laptop or two off his desk. If he’s tired, he’ll spill his coffee on a laptop and if he’s mad, he’ll chuck some books at a laptop. You know something dramatic is about to happen whenever there’s a laptop around him, but that’s also the only thing you’ll be able to predict about the entire movie.
I still don’t fully understand what this movie is about, but it was definitely my favourite horror movie of 2019. It’s a star-studded fever dream of naked furry humans, tap dancing roaches, and Jason Derulo. The cats try to dance their way into kitty heaven and then Jennifer Hudson sings the only song anyone knows from the show. Considering Cats was created by the same guy who wrote a musical about singing and dancing trains, it’s really hard to be let down by it.